Welcome to my brain, do come in but close the door behind you or you'll leave a draft in!

I have never understood it when people say “at least he died doing what he loved”……….What?........I would think, if you were doing the thing you love, dying would be the very last fuckin thing you would want to do! I can see the setting now, you live for rock climbing, you have just climbed a huge cliff in the most picturesque of places, you are bathing in your accomplishment whilst being overwhelmed by your surroundings, and you think to yourself, only death could complete this experience now!
If you were able to choose what you were doing when you die, surely you would want to die doing something you fucking hate, who hasn’t wished for death at some time or another, be it being stuck in traffic or being severely hung over.
I hope that when I die, people will say “at least he died doing something he fucking hate”
I don’t want my last words to be “Isn’t this great, I wish I could stay like this for eh…….” I want to die with a sigh of relief, thinking “thank fuck for that”

Also if a rock climber dies when out on a climb, and people say “at least he died doing what he loved” technically that’s not true, technically he didn’t died climbing the cliff, he died falling down it. So unless ‘the thing he loved’ was developing fatal head trauma as a result of falling off shit, he wouldn’t have died doing the thing he loved!

So we all know there is nothing on the telly on a Sunday, or is there?
Recently FX has been repeating MacGyver, I’m sure we all remember Richard Dean Anderson as Angus MacGyver. Using science and his wits, rather than violence, he could solve almost any problem.
But was this show seriously cool or incredibly retarded? I would have to go for, incredibly retarded!
I remember when I was a kid, I used to watch MacGyver and thinking it was the bees knees, I use to even play games pretending to be him. However watching it now I find myself asking the question, ‘how the fuck did I find this retarded shit any good?’. I now watch it occasionally on a Sunday, not because I think its great, but to laugh at the retardation of the show. In the pilot episode MacGyver has to steal a map from some mad Arab place in the desert. So to escape he uses the feckin map as a sledge to slide down the sand dunes to his waiting hot air balloon, but oh no… an Arab shoots a hole in his balloon, but no fear, using the map and a bit of sticky tape on each corner he plugs the hole and escapes……… There are so many things wrong with that! Being a science and physics buff u think he would know that all you get if you sit on a map on the top of a sand dune is sand in your crack! And what’s with all the women? Every episode there is a new bird most of which were the love of his life and who he hasn’t seen in years, ever since they almost got married! HORSE SHIT…. How many women do you almost marry in a life time? And why dose every one call him MacGyver? Nobody ever calls him Angus, and not only that but they use his name in every sentence. Here is a bit of dialog I made as an example “say MacGyver, why are you such a retard MacGyver? Never in my life MacGyver have I met a retard as retarded as you MacGyver” but the best has to be when the villain is beat he shots MACGYVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Pampers are feckin’ great for advertising as well! I enjoy watching the tube in the morning before work but I’ve had many a breakfast spoilt during the ad breaks, fortunately the Dove ads don’t seem to be on much in the mornings but instead (obviously expecting only housewives to be watching at that hour) they show plenty of baby related ads including the widely infuriating ‘It’s all gone it’s all gone’ ad for air perfume, there you are munching on your breakfast watching some little shit freak-out on the crapper because there’s nothing to cover up the foul smell coming out of his ass! Yum yum fucking yum. I tell ya what’s “all gone all gone” MY FUCKING WILL TO LIVE
So I’ve finally managed to swallow a bit of toast when the next ad comes on!
Pampers……You would think that it couldn’t be too bad……you’d think……but no, fair fucks to them they managed it. I am not a parent but I don’t think this happens too often! In this particular ad it shows a bunch of parents actually kissing their babies asses as they are changing them, there is even a close-up where the screen is filled with baby ass and lips! OH MY FUCKING GOD, what sick fucker starts kissing their baby’s ass when they are changing them, surely that’s the last place you want to be sticking your head, unless of course I have been misinformed, could it be that babies crap flowers and gummy bears ‘cos I always thought it was shit, and not the solid kind but the runny sticky stinky green tinted kind! And then as you think of this try swallowing a mouthful of Cheerios. DeeeeeeeeFuckingLishhhh

July please
The fucking breeze,
There’s rain water in my ass,
The grey sky grins
For all its sins
Look another socking levi ass
July people fucking go
It looks like another shitty day
Just to see the sunshine show
July please just go the fuck away
And the sky begins to get dark
As it rains down in the park
And the tourist doesn’t care‘cause he’s got weather gear……

CHORUS
Oh! ma ma ma,oh! ma ma ma,oh! ma ma ma
My what a shitty july(x2)

July hail storms in my mouth,
Pissed off people everywhere,
I’m sitting on a fucking trout
cause there’s a river everywhere
And a woman of middle age
Sticks her finger up with rage
Then she curses at the sun ‘cause it really should be there...(and all the miserable fuckers go)

CHORUS

And somebody spots the sun
And people start to have fun
But then the water starts to gush
From a thick fucking cloud (everybody)

CHORUS(x2)
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For those of you who don’t know what the fuck I’m on about here is the original lyrics:

JULY
July please,
I'm on my knees,
The smell of your fresh cut grass,
Your blue sky grins
For all its sins
Look another gorgeous levi ass
July people come and go
It looks like another perfect day
Just to see your Striptease show
July please try your best to stay
And a mongrel begins to bark
At a wino in the park
and his owner doesn't care 'cause he really isn't there…

CHORUS
Oh! ma ma ma,oh! ma ma ma,oh! ma ma maMy july(x2)

July,fizz bombs in my mouth,
Babarama everywhere,
I can't lie on my pocket trout
So I sit back in the easy chair
And a woman of middle age
Licks and thumbs annother page
Then she brushes off the dirt
From her greyhound skirt (and all the boys go)

CHORUS

And a baby sucks its thumb
To the sound of a steel drum
And fountain water gush
Through the thick bull rush (everybody)

CHORUS(x2)